PAIGE TURNER

Corporate Accomplishments (such as they are)

The Office Ennui Collection

• Authored three volumes chronicling white-collar malaise
• Rendered existential dread in 17 syllables or less
• Reframed badge-ins, burnout, and broken printers as lyrical artifacts

Exit Survey Operations

• Compiled morale incident reports and procedural reflections from field personnel
• Distributed Office Ennui bulletins via restricted channels in accordance with retention policy
• Processed documentation and archive access requests on a rolling basis
• Request archive access
• Submit personnel memo

Certified Corporate Toolkit

• Microsoft Excel: Specializing in spreadsheet-based vengeance
• Microsoft Teams: Mastered the art of disappearing mid-standup
• Outlook: “Per my last poem…” performance delivery
• OneNote: Where bright ideas go to be quietly buried
• Teams Chat: Fluent in passive-aggressive emoji threads
• Google Docs: Experienced in untraceable edits and strategic commenting

Degrees, Diplomas & Other Forms of Escape

• B.A. in Corporate Survivalism (minor in Looking Busy)
• Certified in Strategic Eye-Rolling and Email Triage
• Graduate of Zoom University, Class of Perpetual Muting
• Adjunct Contributor, Policy Interpretation & Emotional Compliance Memoir

Real Reviews from Fellow Survivors

“Finally, poetry for the rest of us—who died a little in the break room.”
—Disillusioned Analyst, Tier Two Tech Support

“Felt seen. Then laughed. Then cried into my fourth coffee.”
—Coworker #438, Anonymous Feedback Survey

“She gets it. I read it between calendar syncs.”
—Middle Manager, Emotionally Checked Out